Thursday, July 20, 2006 @5:50 pm
Let me tell you of the first time I taste His true sweetness. God's true sweetness.
It's amazing. It's something I've learnt to identify especially in the area of work. Relationships. And so many more. Declaration and claiming is so important. To be happy and live with a grateful and simple heart is even more important. Meaning, just love Jesus.
No it's not easy to do. in the recent months, my family has been thru ups and downs. until now, but every time i pray i see a result. It's amazing. It's NOT easy to go thru or to handle it. Especially when I'd just started working. Thank God i've a great spiritual brother whom I can chat with everyday abt my life. and my family. and everything. whilst i get mad with my sister sometimes, of course i still love her loads. in fact, i really thank God for her. sometimes when my parents get over sensitive and think that i'm trying to strike out on my own and accuse me of not needing them anymore and treat me like shit (when they get insensitive).. my sister allows me to feel accepted.. thanks darling.
but i thank God for my parents too. i love them loads. we all have to learn together. they, hate admitting they're wrong. they start to say i'm in denial, bluffing myself and them just to get out of a situation. well sometimes and in some point of time thru my years, i prolly did it. But many a times when i'm TRULY innocent, they refuse to admit they misinterpreted my actions....etc. wont go into details.. and they're growing older. and i'm growing up. i'm working now, and am financially independent. SO a lot of strings have to be let looser. They dunno how to do the restraint and letting go thing well all of a sudden. because again, it's a new phase in OUR lives. first time their daughter is financially independent and grown up, first time i'm experiencing something like that in life - working la.
not that it's any big deal.. okay it is la. the change in lifestyle and all. like this bro said, they dunno how to handle. it's new. and i acknowledge them. as much as i hate blaming them tho, it's very tiring to have to play according to what they want, and yet still accomplish what i myself wanna do. But well. it all boils down to their love for me. So maybe, pastor should ask them to go for encounter or counselling sessions again. heh. i love them still la. no matter what... no one in this world can take the place of my family. no i didnt say no one in the world and heaven.
It's amazing to learn the art of praising, the art of letting go of myself, the art of putting God first in my life. and in everything, give thanks. something i'd forced myself to learn, and finally understand. It's amazing too, the Jabez prayer. hahaha. really. God blesses with abundance. I feel so blessed. esp at work. things are going well. i'm learning more. getting the hang of things. And suddenly deals i didnt have to ask for, start appearing out of no where and definitely of no loss to me or my company. isnt that fantastic? in real life i guess it makes me seem good. but i know and you know now, that it's really God at work, His favour being upon me, isnt it? Amazing. I'm really really... in awe. for the first time.. I say it and i really mean it. with all the gratitude in my heart. Thank you God.
Lastly. I thank God for the spiritual family i have. relationship with them is just growing stronger. It's amazing.. because i've been yearning for that to happen in years. and it has la. God's doing something and showing me that i didnt choose wrongly... they're my source of comfort when i'm in trouble. thank God.. and to Gerri, i pray that everything goes well.. i know how you're feeling, i've been thru it too when it happened with my family. =) S8 is here to be your physical pillar of support other than your family. love ya..
⥠every page of my imagination
Saturday, July 08, 2006 @9:59 am
Miracle weekend's been over for more than a week. nearly two weeks already. and i've come to realise how important it is to treat every week like miracle weekend.
went for the 1728 meeting on tuesday.. although i was absolutely tired and was kinda distracted by a loud whisperer (haha) behind me, i managed to catch some of pastor Khong's words. It was true, what he said. The desperation to call, the desperation to look for friends, the desperation that came together with compassion.. all drove the figure of saved friends up. It was that. and as long as we were aiming for 12, it didnt matter if we brought 1 or 2? If we didnt even aim for 12, there wouldn't even be 1 or 2!
We do have to rise up in faith isnt it? It's tiring, but it's for a good cause. Loving Jesus is really wonderful though. He's blessed me in many ways and He's been my pillar of strength. all these make me ashamed of myself of course, for being unfaithful... and speaking of faithfulness.. pastor mentioned the difference between a moment of excitement and true faithfulness. THAT i need to find out more about.
on a separate note, work's been going on fine, folks. God's blessed me with work to do wahahaha. it's good work and i'm enjoying it. I'm at least financially independent now, and growing up... a lot quicker than others, but it's all in His good hands. He's controlling, so i've learnt not to worry so much anymore. Letting Him control my life is so much easier than controlling it on my own. i've no confidence in myself, but i've learnt to put my confidence in Him.. DOnt worry la. He created everything you see around you, surely He can run your life better than you do? no? hahaha.
i'm quite sleepy now, the perks of the morning mcdonalds breakfast sorta kept me alive for 20 mins and then it blew out. i'm growing sleepier and sleepier and as i'm typing on the computer now the screen's growing dimmer and blurrer............
⥠every page of my imagination